


Fighting to Keep You Here

by Madalynn_Bohemia



Series: Life Worth Living [3]
Category: The Last of Us
Genre: David - Freeform, Ellie - Freeform, Ellie/Joel - Freeform, Gen, Infected, James - Freeform, Joel - Freeform, Slight Character Death, The Last of Us - Freeform, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-08
Updated: 2013-07-08
Packaged: 2017-12-18 02:47:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/874781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madalynn_Bohemia/pseuds/Madalynn_Bohemia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joel is injured. Most likely dying. It falls to Ellie to keep them going. To keep them alive. Most days, she's not sure if she can do it on her own. Winter is cruel, and something happens while she's out hunting that will change her forever. </p>
<p>Spoilers for the game.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fighting to Keep You Here

**Author's Note:**

> I finally finished it! It was touch and go for awhile, but this beast is done. Takes place after Joel gets impaled at the university. Set in my 'Life Worth Living' series as a kind of prequel, but can be read as a stand alone. After this, I'm gonna go back to writing some post-game fic. Enjoy the read!

Sometimes, the world really does slow down, and events seem to unfold in slow motion. Ellie's heard about this phenomenon in books before. She's even seen it depicted in the pictures of her comic, Savage Starlight. But she never truly thought it could be possible. Until now, that is.

She watches; her feet rooted to the floor, as Joel and his would-be killer struggle against the railing. And then it happens. Ellie's heart lurches, and for just a second, everything is in suspension...

Because the railing gives way, and Joel becomes a victim to gravity. She watches him fall, but even time itself mourns with her, slowing down to mark this moment as pivotal. Like Joel's watch, it has broken, never to be the same again.

Joel is pulled down until she can no longer witness his descent, and time finally rights itself, ticking away with the seconds as it normally should. She has to move. Has to see that he's alright. 

Ellie rushes to the railing, careful of how far she hangs over the edge. She sees him then, and she almost wishes she hadn't. A heavy leaden weight settles in the pit of her stomach, and it is suddenly very hard to breathe. 

"Oh man." Is all she can say, because as she watches, a pool of crimson spreads beneath Joel, and she turns to slide down the yellow cable, only thinking of getting to him. Her feet touch the ground, and as she rushes to Joel's side the double doors behind her begin to quake with the force of the men behind them, demanding to be let in to do damage. To kill.

Ellie kneels down beside her protector. Seeing him like this...it isn't right. He's too strong for this. Joel deserves better than to be felled by something so asinine. She longs to put the blood back inside him. To pick him up, dust him off, and hand him his gun back. 

Oh, how she wishes.

"What do you want me to do?" She asks instead, her voice shaking with just the barest hint of her distress.

"Move." Joel rasps out, but all Ellie can hear is him drowning in his own blood.

"What?" She questions, desperately trying to get rid of that image. Joel puts a hand on her shoulder, and the fact that there is still the familiar strength behind it is a comfort that she needs.

"Move!" Joel yells again, shoving her out of the way just as the double doors behind her slam open. Joel shoots the first intruder, killing him instantly before shooting the second. He only manages to wound, but Ellie takes care of him with a shot of her own, and she's back to Joel's side in an instant. 

"Oh man." She says again. It seems to be the only few words left in her vocabulary. She forces her eyes to settle on the wound and instantly regrets it. He's impaled. A piece of metal coming out of his body to stare at her mockingly. Although covered in blood she can still see the dirt and grime that covers the surface beneath. Somewhere, in the back of her mind, a voice tells her how very not good that is. 

"Joel?" She questions, and her eyes search his. He's pale, skin almost white from losing blood too fast. "Oh." She whispers, because she's only just realized that she might not be able to fix this.

But Joel looks at her, and Ellie can still see all the conviction, the determination, and the downright stubbornness that has kept them alive this far.

"I'm gonna need you to pull." He says, and the weight in her stomach becomes a little lighter, because even like this, he continues to fight. 

"Okay." She says, nodding more for her own benefit then for his. "Alright. You ready?" 

Joel gives a slight incline of his head, bracing himself as he mentally tries to prepare for what's coming. 

"One. Two. Three."

No amount of preparation can make Joel ready for the pain. He lets out a shout of agony that makes Ellie grimace along with him, but Joel grits his teeth through it and digs his heels in.

"Pull!" He demands, and Ellie gives a sharp tug. Finally, Joel breaks free. He lands harshly on his knees with Ellie's hand on his arm. She tries to help him up, and Joel tries to refuse the offer.

"Just...get to the damn horse." He rasps out, and for once, Ellie doesn't argue. 

"Okay." She says, turning to lead the way. She's scared. Joel can tell, and he hates it. He has to keep going. Has to stay strong for her sake, even though every bone in his body is demanding that he rest. Give up. It would be so easy...

Ellie runs ahead to the door, looking left and right down each hallway with her gun taking point.

"I don't see anyone." She says looking back at him. "Let's go!"

She rushes to the next door, repeating the process. 

"Joel? How we doing?" She asks, keeping him talking deliberately.

"I'm fine." Joel says weakly and feels the statement is worth saying again until she believes it. Until he believes it. "I'm fine..."

Ellie shoves two boards away from the wall, revealing an opening.

"Can you handle the window?"

"Yeah." He says shakily, and to him it sounds like a lie.

Ellie hops over first, motioning him next. "Okay." She says and Joel follows the sound of her voice.

Placing his hands on the ledge, he struggles to lift his weight, the hole in his body shifting and pulling unbearably. He has no more strength left to keep his feet, and so he allows himself to crumble.

"Jesus." Ellie whispers, pulling at him, urging him to stand. "Come on. Move!" She demands, her voice tugging at his mind. Joel obeys with her help.

To their right, another scavenger walks in.

"I see you." He says vindictively, and they take cover behind a lab counter. 

"Shit." Ellie whispers, weighing their options. "Alright. Just stay here. I'm gonna flank this asshole."

Joel desperately tries to tell her that this isn't a good idea. He should be the one to stick his neck out, not her. But all that comes out is her name, as he tries to reach out to her with a bloodstained hand. 

Joel can't focus. His world is fading in and out and he's losing sensation in his fingers and toes. A gunshot brings the world crashing back, and he can no longer stay idle.

"You little bitch." 

Ellie's bullet didn't kill him, so Joel finds the strength to shift to the left, point, and shoot. The guy is dead before he hits the ground. 

He tries to move again and regain his feet, but the pain is worse now then it was before and his body refuses to cooperate. 

"Shit." He gasps in frustration, hurt, and resentment. He can't afford to be weak now. He doesn't have that luxury. Not with Ellie's life on the line.

Ellie comes back to him, eyeing the blood that's spilled from his body in the short time he’s been there.

"Oh man." She says again, because everything else has left her. "We gotta get you out of here."

Joel wants to tell her it's the other way around. He has to get her out of here. If it is the very last thing he does. 

She helps him to stand again, even as Joel remains stubborn. 

"I'm okay." He tries to assure her, but it only makes Ellie more doubtful.

"You're not okay, Joel," she argues with misguided anger. "Now come on!"

She leads the way, and he struggles to follow, heart thundering in his ears. 

"Move it." Ellie urges, and Joel tries, he does. But he can't seem to make his legs listen to him, and the rest of his body is slowly shutting down. Very soon he doubts it will cooperate at all. 

"There's no one here." She says from the doorway. "Hurry." 

His heartbeat is a wild drum in his ears. It almost blocks out the sound of Ellie's voice down the hall.

"You're doing good. Just keep at it." She encourages, and Joel wants to please her. Wants to keep going, but he loses his footing, landing against a fallen machine.

"Oh man." Ellie says again and he wants to count how many times this makes it. "Here, lean on me." She offers, but that seems wrong to Joel. She should lean on him. He's the adult after all.

"No." He grits out, struggling to his feet.

"Well can you walk?" She demands, and he needs to reassure her.

"Yes." He lies.

"Then fucking walk." She orders, and Joel obeys.

For a little while, at least. 

"Come on." Ellie's voice is the anchor that keeps him grounded. Softer now, yet it remains.

His heartbeat is thundering in his ears again, and his world is going dim.

"There's the exit. Just a little bit more. Come on." 

Joel isn't so sure he has a little bit more in him. But God, does he try.

He stumbles into something again, and it gives him the opportunity to see a break in the light, as a shadow runs across the second floor landing.

"Joel." Ellie yells.

"Behind you." He warns.

"What?"

"Ellie!" Joel shouts in warning, trying to move, to cover her, but all he manages to do is fall. The pain robs him of consciousness for the briefest of seconds, and he's brought back to the sound of gunshots.

Ellie's clip has run out.

"Oh shit. Oh shit." She whispers as she struggles to slide another clip home. 

The man is on her before she can get another shot off. She's struck over the head, falls to the ground, and Joel watches in horror as the stranger moves to finish the job.

Ellie takes aim and empties three rounds into him before he gets the chance.

Ellie's fine. She's alright...

He allows the world to fade again.

"Joel!" She brings him back, forcing him to stay with her. "Here. Stand up."

Again, she helps him regain his footing. 

"Put your arm around me." She says, and it speaks volumes that he actually listens, leaning some of his weight on her. "All right. Let's go."

They inch their way towards the exit at a snail's pace. 

"I swear to god." Ellie grits out. "If I get you out of this, you're so singing for me." 

Even as he is bleeding to death she can still make him laugh.

"You wish." He answers, trying to keep his feet under him, coughing with the effort. 

"Wait here." She instructs, propping him against some debris. "I'll get the door."

"Take your time." Joel says absently, clutching at his side before struggling to follow her.

"Come on." Ellie urges and Joel stumbles out the doors, tumbling down the stairs. Another one of the scavengers has a hold of Callous, but Ellie takes care of him quickly before running to his aid.

"Come on." She says again, and Joel has to bite his lip to keep the pain down.

"Just get the horse." He argues.

"Alright." Ellie concedes, rushing to bring Callous over to him.

"Can you get on?" 

They're about to find out.

Joel grimaces and sinks his teeth into the side of his cheek as he lifts himself up with Ellie's help. He settles into the saddle and she jumps up behind him with ease. 

"Go." He whispers, tugging the reins until Callous is brought to a gallop. 

They leave the university behind them.

~

Joel has lost track of time. He's been fighting every second that passes to stay on that damn horse, but he's not sure how much longer he can last...

When will he be allowed to rest?

Dimly, he is aware that it has begun to snow.

The cold is slowing his heart rate, and the blood flowing from his wound turns to a crawl. Numbness has spread its way up Joel's arms and legs.

"I think we're safe." Ellie says behind him, and it's like a dam breaking.

They're okay. They're safe. He doesn't have to fight anymore. 

The ground reaches up to meet him as Joel slips from the saddle. Ellie's calling his name again...but it's too far away this time, and he slips into blissful nothing.

"Joel!" Ellie yells, because it's all she can do. "Here." She offers, trying to pull him up, but he's not responsive to her attempts. 

"Get up. Get up. Get up." She begs, voice beginning to break.

"You gotta tell me what to do." She pleads, eyes slowly starting to overflow. She pulls at him again, and again there is nothing. 

"You gotta get up." She urges. "Come on! Joel?"

A deep dread settles in Ellie's body. She is alone. She has to be the adult now. It's up to her to get them out of this. 

What would Joel do in this situation?

He would refuse to let her rest. To let her go. He would make her fight.

She slaps him. Hard. Watches as his eyelids flutter but remain stubbornly closed.

"Joel!" She demands, a sharp edge to her voice. 

"Wake. Up!" Her fingers press cruelly around the edges of his wound and Joel jerks awake, gasping in pain, eyes flying around to search out the one that would cause him harm. They blink when they see only her.

"You need to stay with me, do you understand? You don't get to leave yet! You're not finished!"

When Joel doesn't respond, Ellie's nails dig into his arm.

"Do you understand!? You gotta stay awake!"

Joel inclines his head minutely, struggling with even that small effort.

"I'm tired, Ellie." He admits, almost sounding ashamed. "Help me." He begs, and it's one of the rare times he's ever asked for her help. "Help me stay awake."

"How?" Ellie questions, sounding lost again.

Joel chuckles softly, coughing for his trouble. "Tell me a joke." He suggests, and Ellie's mind scrambles for a good one, remembering one she'd read earlier.

"It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it." Ellie recited and to her amazement she watches as a soft smile spreads across Joel's face.

“That’s pretty good.” He admits, voice going quiet.

Ellie eyes her surroundings. She has to get them out of the open, quick. There's some shops to her left. What looks like an old thrift store stands in the center. Most of its windows have holes in them, but the door still stands on its frame.

It will have to do.

Squaring her shoulders, Ellie turns back to Joel, panicking when she sees his eyes have fallen closed again.

“Joel!” She yells harshly and watches as his eyes snap open in surprise. “Stay awake!” She pleads, and Joel focuses on her. 

“Tell me another one.”

Ellie slides her arms under his, using all her strength to start pulling them towards the store. Joel hisses in pain as his side is jostled. He tries to help, but it’s a slow move forward.

She clicks her tongue, giving a much practiced whistle and Callous follows her progress, moving when she does.

“I’m reading a book about anti-gravity." She grits out. "It’s impossible to put down.”

“That’s terrible.” Joel snorts, making little sharp gasps as they make their way to shelter.

It takes time, but eventually, they reach the door. The temperature is dropping fast, and Ellie’s teeth begin to chatter. Joel has been numb for awhile now.

Ellie maneuvers around him until she can get the door open, keeping it propped with her back. Settling Joel down inside, she holds the door aloft long enough to pull Callous in before shutting it. 

“There.” Joel says, motioning toward a shelving case, and Ellie pushes it up against the door as a barricade.

"I'll be right back." She promises both Joel and the horse, “I need you to stay awake. Make noise while I’m gone.” She instructs, moving away to search out the rest of the building, making sure it is secure. Moving slowly and quietly, she hears him when she’s nearing the far wall.

Joel is humming weakly, and his humming eventually turns to soft singing.

“Home...Let me come home. Home is wherever I’m with you...Oh home...Yes I am home. Home is when I’m alone with you...”

Although his voice is struggling through the pain, it’s beautiful nonetheless. She almost regrets returning to him, because he stops at her approach.

“Good.” She says in acknowledgement that he didn’t pass out again. “The place is empty.”

Ellie drags Joel deeper into the store and away from the windows. It's warmer here. Not by much, but it'll do. His body is shaking now, but he doesn’t seem to be aware of it. 

"Hold on, Joel." She whispers, Callous looming over them. Her fingers lift his clothes out of the way, finally getting a good look at the wound. Ellie gasps at the sight of it. All torn flesh and angry red skin. It's starting to bruise around the edges, giving shades of bright yellow, deep purple, and sharp blue. 

“How’s it looking?” Joel asks, not even sounding scared or concerned, almost as if he’s come to terms...

"Oh." She whispers. He's still bleeding sluggishly, and she has to find a way to make it stop. 

“It’s fine.” She rasps out, and he looks at her out of the corner of his eye. “You’re gonna be fine. Keep talking.”

Ellie gets up, searching the raided isles for something. Anything.

“I can’t hear you.” She yells out, because Joel is staying quiet.

“I d-don’t know what to s-say anymore.” He admits, and it’s not good that his body’s temperature is dropping so fast.

“What was that song called? The one that you were singing before?” She asks, keeping him with her so he doesn’t slip away again.

“Home.” She hears Joel answer. “For some reason it wont leave my head.”

Near the front counter is a discarded tackle box used for fishing. She prays it isn't empty. 

“Was it one of your favorite songs?” She calls, reaching the lid and throwing it open. Ellie lets out a breath she hadn’t known she was holding, feeling immense relief at the sight before her. Plenty of hooks and fishing line rest inside, and Ellie gathers it all to her, running back to where she left Joel.

“I can’t remember if I liked it back then, but I do now.” He admits with a faraway look.

"Don't worry." She says, sliding to her knees before him. “I found some stuff that’s gonna help.” Ellie shows him her find and watches as he winces, knowing what’s about to take place.

“I need to get your pack off, and this might hurt.” She warns, but Joel only nods. Ellie pulls him up as easy as she can, but he still groans in pain, face tight with trying to keep in his distress. She removes the pack from his shoulders as fast and as gently as she can. "You're gonna be okay." 

Ellie slowly settles Joel back down, hands moving to dig through his bag. She finds the bottles of alcohol he uses for his Molotovs, twisting the cap off of one. It smells foul to her, but it'll do. She pours some of the liquid over the fishing hook, as well as the line she'll use. Then, for good measure, she pours some over her hands to make sure they're clean. 

"Okay." She says softly, eyeing Joel's slack face. "I'm sorry. This is gonna hurt."

Joel’s eyes close, and she gives him a moment before he nods that he is ready. Ellie pours alcohol directly into Joel's wound, remembering all the dirt that had been on the metal that pierced him.

Joel's eyes fly open as he cries out, yelling so loud he startles Callous. Ellie has to hold him down while she continues to flush the wound.

"Almost done." She promises, and at the sound of her voice, Joel seems to reign himself in, gritting his teeth and bearing it. She finishes with the alcohol and Joel's eyes roll back into his head with relief.

“You still with me?” She demands, trying to keep the fear out of her voice. Joel moans in agony, teeth biting into his bottom lip, but his eyes are only slightly hazy when he opens them to find hers, and she lets out a sigh of relief. Ellie hates causing him pain, and this next part isn't gonna be easy.

Taking hold of the fishing hook, she threads the line through, making sure it's secure.

"Okay." She says again, and Ellie quickly takes a swig of the alcohol. After all she needs something to keep her hands steady. The liquor burns all the way down, relaxing her tensed muscles, cramped from adrenaline and the cold.

“Take another drink.” Joel instructs to Ellie’s surprise, but she does as she’s told, thankful to not be making the decisions now, however small they might be. “Gather yourself, and relax. Breathe. Take your time, don’t rush. It’s gonna hurt me, and that’s gonna make you uncomfortable. It’s gonna make you want to get done quicker, but you have to go slow so it’s done right the first time. Understand?”

“Okay.” Ellie says as she nods, taking in deep even breaths, trying to keep her muscles loose. She shakes out her hands and flexes her fingers.

“Ready?” Joel asks, and Ellie suddenly has the urge to cry, because even though he’s the one going through unspeakable agony right now, he’s still trying to comfort her. She should be the one soothing him.

Ellie gathers herself and answers. “Okay. I know this is gonna make you want to move, but you have to hold still.”

“I’ll try.” Joel promises, voice sounding weary and beaten.

Her hands hardly even shake when she presses the hook to Joel’s wound. Giving enough pressure that the sharp end pierces skin. Joel hisses, his whole body trying to curl in on itself, but he forces his limbs to stay where they are, open to her.

“You can cuss if you want.” Ellie offers as she pulls the fishing line though the hole she’s made. “Yell or shout.” 

Joel does none of those things, but as she pierces his skin for the second time, his hand reaches out to grip her thigh. Joel’s fingers squeeze her flesh, using her as an anchor, but his touch does not hurt her. She almost wishes it would, an even sort of give and take for what she’s putting him through.

Ellie pulls the string taught, and Joel bites his lip hard enough to drain the color from the surrounding area.

“First one done.” Ellie says optimistically, but Joel looks worse then before. She can see him struggling. It’s taking everything he has in him not to just drift away.

“Distract me.” He requests as she begins to work on the next stitch. 

“Do you want me to tell another joke?” She asks, leaning down close to the skin of his stomach so she can properly see what she’s doing.

“No. Tell me how you got your scar.” He asks instead, and Ellie pauses briefly before picking up where she left off. She doesn't bother asking which one he's referring to. The scar slashing through her eyebrow has drawn many questions in the past. 

“The military preparatory school that I used to go to...” She starts, pulling the fishing line through the hole she’s made, “there was this soldier. A real asshole. The kind that felt he had something to prove and pushed everyone around to do it. You know the type.”

Joel nods, his attention solely focused on her and her story. Ellie tries not to let that be a distraction. Joel’s attention can have a powerful effect on her.

“Anyway, he liked to push the other kids around, myself included. So one day he’s picking on this kid, almost two years younger than me at the time and half my size. It just didn’t sit right with me, so I walked up to him and kicked him right between the legs. That didn’t sit too well with him.” She smiles, making her next stitch. Joel’s blood is on her hands, and she’s trying to make sure they don’t slip up.

“Long story short, he pistol whips me in the fucking face. I’m only lucky it didn’t cost me my eye.”

“True story?” Joel hisses, wincing as Ellie pulls the line through again, sewing him back together.

Ellie sighs and shakes her head 'no' and Joel is momentarily taken aback. 

“I’ve never told what really happened to anyone.” She admits, and then she sighs again. “Promise you wont laugh.”

“I’ll try not to, considering it would probably make me pass out if I did.” He wheezes, eyeing her progress.

“Okay. when I was five I had a real problem with shoelaces. No matter how many times people showed me how to tie my goddamn shoes I always managed to fuck it up, and they were always coming undone.”

Joel gasped as she started on a new stitch.

“One day I find a pair of glasses Marlene had left out; and I'm only five, so of course I think they're pretty fucking cool. I wore them around for hours. The damn things were so blurry to me that I was literally running into walls. 

"So I’m walking around, half blind, and my shoe laces come undone. I trip on my own feet, go down hard and clip the edge of the counter on my way to the floor. One of the lenses broke and the glass shattered, slicing my eyebrow. And that’s a true story.”

Joel was quiet for a second before little huffs of amusement began to escape past his lips.”

Ellie glared.

“You said you wouldn’t laugh.” She reminded him, and that only made Joel shake his head with a hint of mirth around the tired edges of his mouth.

“You surprise me.” Is all he says on the matter, and Ellie can’t help but grin.

Joel gets through the stitches on his front. They’re halfway done now.

“I’m gonna turn you over.” Ellie says, and Joel gives her the sign that he’s ready. Ellie maneuvers him till he’s on his stomach, gently situated so the stitches on his front remain free of pressure. He grips her calf, needing something to hang on to.

Ellie gets to work, stitching the gaping wound on his back, keeping him distracted with stories of her past experiences. 

“I used to sneak out to this one building. Like an auditorium or something. It had the stars painted on the ceiling. There were also planets and comets and I’m pretty sure the whole thing used to light up when there was electricity. I think I was there more than I was at school.” she admits.

“In my time, before the world went to shit, the lights of the city were so bright they blocked out the stars. Not anymore though. I guess that’s one good thing.” Joel says and Ellie continues with her task. 

There’s thirteen in total when she finishes. Six stitches on his stomach and seven on his back. Ellie does a damn good job, but realistically he knows the likeliness of him surviving a wound like this. 

He’s lost too much blood, and even now his eyes are heavy, begging to pull him under. Even though Ellie poured alcohol in the wound it will undoubtedly get infected, and they have no medication that will help remedy that outcome. 

He’ll most likely die of infection and fever, if starvation and this harsh winter don’t do him in first. 

How can he tell Ellie this? How can he make her go on without him there to protect her? Even if he did, he doubts she would listen.

“I’m gonna go find us something to keep warm.” Ellie says, getting up and dusting off her knees.”

“Ellie.” He says, and her gaze moves down to look at him. “Thank you. You did good, kiddo.”

She smiles brightly, and for just that second, everything is back to normal.

Joel watches her retreating back with a heavy heart. He wishes he could be stronger. This is going to break her, but she has to pick up the pieces and move on.

Ellie comes back with three heavy quilted blankets and an old ratty pillow that’s on its last limb. She hands the pillow to Joel, helping to lift his neck before sliding it under him for support.

She spreads all three big blankets over Joel before lying next to him, crawling underneath the covers as well. She’s pressed flush against his side, using their combined body heat to keep warm.

“Are the blankets too heavy on your stitches?” She asks, and Joel shakes his head. 

“It’s good to be warm.” He says softly and Ellie throws an arm over his chest; careful of his wound, snuggling deeper into their cocoon.

“Ellie.” He starts off, and instantly she tenses, just from hearing the tone in his voice.

“Joel, please don’t.” She whispers, but Joel has to.

“If you can’t wake me up tomorrow, you can’t stay here. It’s too dangerous. You’re gonna have to leave me. Don’t let me slow you down. I’m not gonna be able to get back up on that horse like this, and you have to keep moving.”

“I’m not having this conversation.” She says stubbornly, her arm tightening around him, but ever careful not to hurt him.

“You’re gonna have to think about it eventually. I won’t be able to walk or ride out of here, and you’re only putting yourself at risk the longer you stay. Don’t do that. Not for me, not for anybody.” Joel commands, but Ellie stays quiet, her fingers playing with the buttons on his shirt.

“Goodnight Joel.” Was all she said, whispering it into the dark.

He sighed in exhaustion, wondering if he would see the morning.

“Goodnight Ellie.”

~*8*~

Ellie woke up because her face felt frozen. She could see her breath floating above her, and turned until her eyes landed on Joel, sighing when she could see the physical form of his breath as well.

Outside, the storm had gotten worse, more snow falling to cover the ground. Joel was right about one thing. They could not stay here. They would have to keep moving. Find a new place to hold up.

Ellie shifts, jostling the blanket till it falls to her lap. Crawling closer to Joel, she gently nudges his arm.

"Joel." She says softly, continuing to tug at his sleeve. There's no response.

"Joel?" She calls again, voice taking on a firmer edge. Still, nothing.

"Oh shit. Joel?" Ellie's got her hands on his cheeks, and she leans down until she can press her ear to his chest. His heartbeat is weak, but it's there.

Ellie's hand travels to his forehead. She's freezing, but she can still feel the clammy heat coming off of his skin. He's running a fever already. 

"Damn it."

Joel knew this was going to happen. That's why he told her to leave him. He knew she might not be able to get him up. Especially if he started running a high temperature like this.

Ellie knows she shouldn't be angry, but she can't help but feel a burning fury towards Joel now. If he thinks for one second that she's gonna get rid of him like dust on her hands, then he doesn't know her at all.

"Don't go anywhere." Ellie mumbles as she stumbles to her feet. Joel was right about one thing. There's no way she's getting him out of here on the back of Callous. She'll have to find another alternative.

Ellie searches the shop again, keeping an eye out for anything she can use. She's halfway down the third row when she sees it. 

A red wagon. One of those low to the ground children's toys. It's long, wide, and sturdy looking. The tires are intact, and the long black pull-lever is perfect. All she has to do is get Joel in the damn thing.

She pulls the wagon back to where Joel is and stops. He's still sleeping. Outside it's still dark, winter making the sun hide just a little bit longer. They need to keep moving. Gently, Ellie slides the pillow out from under Joel, placing it at one end of the wagon. She covers the bottom with various pieces of clothing and cloth so it has more cushion. She doesn't want it to be any more uncomfortable for Joel than it has to be.

Ellie goes to him then, lifting him up under his arms and trying to pull his weight. He's heavy, and it's a struggle. It takes a couple of tries, but Ellie uses all her strength until she can lift him high enough to clear the edges of the wagon, sweating with the effort. She lifts his legs up and over next, until he's resting mostly in the cart, feet dangling over the edge but not touching the ground. 

Ellie gathers the blankets, laying them on top of Joel and tucking them in around him. It's gonna be freezing outside, and he needs to stay warm.

Doubling back, Ellie scavenges the store one more time, checking for things they can use. She finds two pairs of gloves, and puts a set on Joel's hands before bagging the other. They're too big for her anyway, and she doesn't want her fingers hindered in case she needs to shoot anyone. 

She wraps a soft shirt around his neck, keeping his ears protected. Shoving a few pairs of warm clothing in her back pack she searches for the final thing she'll need. 

She finds it near the rusty register. It's an old electrical cord, still intact and strong. She ties one end to the horn of Callous' saddle, and the other she threads through the opening at the end of the wagon's lever. 

Joel would tell her this is a stupid idea. It most likely wont work, and God help them if they run into more hunters or infected, but this is all she has to work with. She refuses to even consider the idea of moving on without him. So...she'll have to take this chance. She shoulders Joel's pack, as well as her own and heads back.

Ellie checks on Joel one more time before doing a practice run. She leads Callous near the door, and when the cord is pulled taught, the wagon's wheel's screech before going quiet as the cart begins to roll forward. So far, so good. 

It'll have to do. They need to get moving before more snow covers the ground. She needs to find a better spot to hold up in. Somewhere more quiet and isolated. Somewhere they'll be left alone.

Ellie leaves Callous by the wall, going to the entrance to move the shelf out of the way. She opens the door and steps out, checking the surroundings. She moves up the street a little ways and goes through the alleys. All is quiet. Nothing but the wind and the snow making her shiver. She pulls her small jacket closer to herself and reenters the shop

Ellie pulls Callous through the door, allowing him to move on without her, so Joel can clear the entrance as well. When he passes the threshold, she shuts the door quietly behind them. 

Adeptly, Ellie gets on the horse and urges him into a trot. 

She keeps turning her head to look behind her, making sure Joel is still there. So far, her plan is working better than expected. The cord is secured tightly to the horn, running alongside her waist where she keeps it pinned with her arm; just in case it comes undone. 

Ellie is still nervous though. They're vulnerable like this. She can't exactly get out of the open. She needs the road to keep the wagon steady. Trying to tramp down her paranoia, she keeps moving. 

It's dark outside. Quiet too. Ellie's ears strain to hear anything out of place around her. Joel was always the one who had excellent hearing, but her ears aren't too bad either.

Ellie rides for an undetermined amount of time, checking on Joel every two minutes. When she deems it safe, she gets off of Callous to make sure he's still breathing. 

He is, so she presses on.

The snowfall is getting heavier and faster with each passing minute. She's going to be forced to stop soon, and she would rather not have to repeat this process. If she stops, it'll be for good. They need someplace where they can stick out the winter. Some place where Joel can get better.

She continues on for another hour and a half before she finds it. An area of houses that look like they were in the process of being built and developed to become an even bigger community. There's only about ten or so to each group, more down the road in small handfuls. It's isolated and remote enough to be suitable.

Ellie picks the house that looks the least damaged. Some of the windows are broken, but that's fine. It's better than most places they've stayed in. At least they have four walls and a roof.

The garage door is open just enough for Callous to clear it. Ellie presses herself to his back till she's under the door. As soon as the horse is all the way in to the far wall she jumps off, pulling the wagon till Joel is out of the cold. As quietly as she can, she lowers the door. 

Ellie rushes over to Joel, feeling for a pulse. His skin is cool and clammy, and his fever is still making him sweat, but he's breathing, and Ellie feels like the luckiest girl alive. 

"Stay here. I'm gonna check the rest of the house."

Joel doesn't respond, yet somehow it doesn't deter her from carrying on a one-sided conversation. 

Ellie leaves the garage, opening the door to what used to be the kitchen. She checks the rest of the rooms. Whoever used to live here, it looks like they left in a hurry. The last door she opens leads down to the basement, and Ellie can't break old habits, so they'll camp out down there. 

The windows are broken, letting the winter breeze in. That isn't a problem. She can start a fire in the corner, and not worry about the smoke being trapped in the room. Ellie goes back upstairs, gathering some old crumbling sheets she saw in one of the bedrooms. She pins them to the wall above the windows to help keep some of the cold out.

Next, she checks the bedrooms again. The mattress in the biggest room is rotted, and all the others are practically destroyed as well. The only one that's adequate enough is a smaller mattress she finds in what used to be a kids room. Removing it from its frame, she drags it to the door leading down to the basement.

Ellie makes her way back to the garage, fishing inside her pack for the apple she's kept hidden in there. She takes out her butterfly knife and cuts into a quarter of it. 

"You got us here safe." She says to Callous, who has taken notice of the treat before him. "You deserve it."

She holds the apple in her palm, keeping her fingers stretched out flat. Callous munches on it, tickling her skin with his soft nose. Once he's finished, she rubs the spot between his eyes and unhooks the cord from the saddle's horn. She walks back to Joel, untying the cord attached to the wagon as well before grabbing the handle.

Ellie pulls Joel steadily through the house, stopping when she reaches the mattress in front of the basement door. It's a struggle, but she's able to nudge Joel out of the wagon, maneuvering him until he's placed directly in the middle of the bed. Now comes the hard part.

With all her strength, she begins pushing the mattress down the stairs, gripping the edges tight and keeping an eye on Joel to make sure he doesn't slide right off. Her progress is slow, and she's sweating by the time she reaches the bottom, but they make it. She shoves Joel and the mattress until he's under the window. The cold coming through will help temper his fever.

Ellie tucks the blankets back around him and places a rolled up shirt under his head. She goes back upstairs, grabbing the broken wooden chair she passed in the kitchen earlier, and makes a pile of it back in the basement. She grabs Joel's lighter from his pack before searching through her own bag until she finds one of the Savage Starlight comics Joel has been helping her find.

"Endure and survive." She whispers before she starts to tear the pages out, crumpling them up and shoving them between the wood. Ellie flicks the old lighter, setting the flame against the torn pages, watching as the brightly colored pictures begin to burn.

"Ellie?" Joel's voice rasps into the silence, and she jumps in surprise, quickly gaining her feet to rush to his side.

"I'm here, Joel. Everything's gonna be okay."

She gets out a bottle of water, lifting his head and putting the lid to his lips. He chokes a little at first, but then drinks deeply, swallowing every last drop. 

"Where are we?" He asks when she pulls it away.

"A house in a quiet area." She assures. 

"How long was I out?"

"About...sixteen hours." Ellie calculates in her head. She hears Joel's intake of air.

"You did all this by yourself?" He asks in disbelief, already knowing the answer.

"You see anyone else here?" Ellie quips back.

Joel sighs in frustration now. "I told you to leave me."

Ellie adjusts the blanket around him to make sure he's comfortable. "You should get that idea out of your head cause it isn't happening."

Joel's hand reaches up to grab hers. His grip is weak, but she holds still enough for him to wrap his fingers around her own.

"Thank you." He whispers, giving her palm a squeeze, and Ellie squeezes back reassuringly. 

"Always, Joel." Ellie answers, running her other hand through his hair.

"Sleep." He hears her say, just as his eyes begin to drift shut.

~*8*~

At first, there is nothing. It's dark and senseless in Joel's dreams. But then he begins to see shapes. The outline of his house in Texas. The smell of barbeque in the air. God he misses that.

"Come on, dad." 

Joel turns sharply, and sees something he thought he never would again. 

Sarah is laughing. She's spinning in circles, the way she used to whenever she got outside. She holds out her hand, but not to him. Another Joel takes her small fingers between his. A Joel who hasn't been forced to kill. A father still, who is untouched by the world today. Twenty years younger and naive as all hell.

"Come on, Joel." 

He turns and sees Ellie at his side, her own hand outstretched to him. She knows what he has done. What he is capable of, and still she does not turn away. Offers to bring him closer instead. 

"We need to go." She informs him, and Joel looks back at the scene one last time before he allows his fingers to interlace with Ellie's.

Everything shifts, and Joel can no longer feel her reassuring presence at his side.

He's in a dark room. Can barely see anything, but he can hear extremely well. That sound. Clicking, echoing and bouncing off the walls. There must be five at least. Five clickers zeroing in on his location.

Joel tries to be quiet, he does. But he can't stop the moan of distress from escaping his lips. The clickers roar in excitement, and rush towards him.

He's going to be torn apart. But he can't be. He has to protect Ellie. Where is Ellie?

~

A sound cuts through the nightmare, making Joel aware that that is exactly what it is. It's Ellie's voice, mimicking a guitar the way she sometimes does. She's whistling now, and the shrill tune pulls him the rest of the way out of his dream.

She has a fire going in the corner, and it looks and smells like she's cooking something. Ellie whistles another tune, and when she pauses, Joel lets out a breath.

She turns sharply, at his side in an instant.

"Hey you." Ellie says, running her hand over his forehead to check his temperature. She sighs at what she feels, allowing her fingers to card through his hair.

"How are you feeling?" She asks, and Joel groans.

"Been better." He answers. "What are you doing?"

Ellie grins with pride. "I took out a few birds. I'm cooking them now. Do you think you can eat?"

"I can try." Joel answers, and Ellie gives him one last pat before going back to her catch. She starts whistling again. Humming every now and then when it suits her.

Joel is easily lulled back to sleep. With Ellie making her presence apparent, he has no more nightmares.

~

The cold gets unbearable. Ellie almost regrets moving Joel down to the basement. The broken out windows keep her in a constant state of shivering. However, it seems to be helping Joel's burning fever. She checks his wound each day, and each day it is worse. They need antibiotics. Something to get rid of the infection, otherwise...

Otherwise.

The mattress is small, but sometimes, when Ellie is very desperate, she crawls in next to Joel. He's warm and the blankets are a mercy. Most nights he shakes so much that Ellie doesn't get any sleep at all. She stays up, watching him until his body finally settles. 

Frequently, Ellie takes Callous and hunts for food. She hates leaving Joel alone, but at the same time she needs it. Being alone with him, watching him suffer, knowing there is nothing more she can do...

It gets to be too much. And besides, they both need food to stay alive, so she provides as best as she can.

Sometimes...Joel sleeps for days, and it is during these times that she feels completely isolated. 

The short periods where Joel actually regains consciousness are her only reprieve. She feeds him when her hunt is successful, and provides him with plenty of water.

That is the one good thing about an abundance of snow. She packs some into their canisters each night and by morning they have water.

It isn't so easy providing for Callous. She found an empty bucket in the house which she uses to give him plenty to drink, but as far as food goes, there isn't much. The snow has killed and covered all the grass. 

She's out riding one day, making sure Callous gets his exercise. It's no good that he's cooped up in that garage so much. Ellie is jerked in the saddle when Callous suddenly stops, taking interest in a nearby shrub. A smile graces her lips and she can't help but feel a little victorious as he begins to eat. 

"Take all the time you need." She whispers.

Every now and then, things get really bad. Food is scarce, and Ellie goes for days without finding anything edible. Most of the time, when she does find food, there isn't much. She gives the majority of it to Joel, keeping just enough for herself to get her going.

One thing she is sure of. They can't keep going on like this.

~

Ellie never thought that silence could get old really fast. She also never thought that she could miss the sound of Joel's voice. Even when he's in a mood.

She's learning something new everyday. 

~

Joel mumbles in his sleep. Something that almost sounds like a name. Most times it's just moans and undistinguished sounds. But Ellie is pretty sure that nine times outta ten, his dreams are not pleasant..

Ellie has the very same problem, and doesn't get much sleep herself.

~

When Ellie was really little, she heard a myth that people used to wish on shooting stars. Like it was good luck or something. She's never believed in that crap. Never tried it either. 

She's lying on the mattress next to Joel. He's shivering tonight, for once cold instead of burning hot. She has her head titled back at an angle, looking between the billowing sheets that cover the windows. 

Ellie sees it then. A tiny light flying across the sky, leaving a slight trail before disappearing entirely. 

She can't help herself. She closes her eyes and wishes.

"Please." She whispers, fingers grasping Joel's hand underneath the covers.

"Come back to me."

~*8*~

Ellie rides out farther today. They need food, and so she goes hunting. There's a forest a little ways from the house, so she starts there.

It's quiet, and she decides to keep Callous at a walk.

Ellie makes sure her eyes and ears are peeled. She can't hear any birds, but there is a rustling in the bushes that has nothing to do with the wind. Ellie slows Callous down until he stops.

There, about ten yards away is a hole in the ground. She watches it, noticing the disturbed snow, and doesn't have to wait long before a rabbit pops it’s head out. She's quiet when she takes aim, having enough practice with the bow to be confident. Ellie lets go of the bowstring, and the rabbit is dead instantly.

She slides gracefully off of Callous, approaching her catch and yanks it up with her hands, pulling the arrow free.

"This wont last long." She can't help but observe. Ellie goes back to the horse, tying the dead rabbit to the saddle. It's then that she hears the rustling sound again, and looks up to see a decent sized buck grazing twenty feet away.

"Oh." She can't help but whisper in surprise, watching as the buck begins to move on.

She ties Callous' reins to a nearby tree branch.

"You'll just startle it." She says be way of an explanation. 

She tracks the deer to a glen, following the sound of snapping twigs. She takes extra care with her steps and the amount of noise she makes. Ellie gets her opportunity, so she takes aim, and lets another arrow go. 

The buck doesn't fall, but rather runs further away. Ellie tracks it, using its own trail of blood against him. She shoots it twice more, and still it does not fall.

"How are you still alive?" She whispers. 

She's led to a small drop, dilapidated buildings in the distance.

"What is this place?" Ellie pushes forward, dropping down where the trail picks up again. She continues to follow it.

"Oh great." She says as she approaches the building. "Everything's cool. This place is not creepy at all." She tries to reassure herself. 

She enters against her better judgment. The timbers groan and creak, somehow still standing. She tries to be quick.

Ellie is led out, back in the open. In front her is the deer, and beyond that are more buildings. Almost a small city. She feels exposed. Where there's a city like this, there could be infected, or hunters. Still...they need that buck, so with as much caution as possible, she makes her way over to the dead animal.

There's rustling behind her, and Ellie swings around with her bow at the ready.

"Who's there?" She demands. "Come out!" 

The snow shifts and a man steps out from behind a tree, holding his hand up in some kind of statement of peace. Ellie distrusts him immediately.

"Hello." He says, continuing to move about. "We just want to talk." She takes note that he says 'we' and not 'I'.

Another man steps into the open.

"Any sudden moves and I put one right between your eyes." She threatens. "Ditto for buddy-boy over there." She adds, motioning to the other man. "What do you want?"

"Name's David. This here is my friend James." He says by way of introduction. "We're from a larger group. Women, children...we're all very, very hungry."

Ellie wants to scoff. Who isn't these days. 

"So am I." She challenges. "Women and children. All very hungry too." She lies. He claimed he was from a larger group, as if that was supposed to be a threat to her. She has to make them believe that she is just one of many and not one of two.

"Well, uh...maybe we could trade you for some of that meat there." He offers, eyeing his buddy as he speaks. Ellie want's to shoot them where they stand. But all she has is her bow right now, and that can't compete with the rifles they're flashing.

"What do you need?" He asks, ringing off a list. "Weapons, ammo, clothes-"

"Medicine." Ellie calls out, before she even means to. She's showed her hand. Her eyes shift between the two men, knowing this is probably the worst idea, but she has to go with it. "Do you have any antibiotics?"

"We do." David confirms, looking at James. "Back at the camp. You're welcome to follow us-"

"I'm not following you anywhere." Ellie says adamantly, holding the bow just a little bit tighter. 

"Buddy-boy can go get it, he comes back with what I need, the deer is all yours. Anyone else shows up-"

"You put one right between my eyes." David finishes for her, pointing at the exact spot her arrow is trained on.

"That's right." Ellie confirms.

David looks back at James. "Two bottles of the penicillin and a syringe. Make it fast."

James looks angry and hesitant.

"Go on." David encourages, and James leaves them quickly, a deep silence following his wake. David looks back at her.

"I'll take that rifle." Ellie demands.

"Of course." He answers, getting closer before dropping it in the snow. 

"Back up." Ellie orders, and David does so. She quickly shoves her bow in her pack, swooping down to grasp the rifle. Ellie expertly checks if it's loaded and then trains it on David. 

She watches him fidget, looking left and then right. She stays utterly still, having long since learned not to let the cold bother her. 

"He's probably gonna be awhile." David starts, looking off in the distance. "You, ah, mind if we take some shelter from the cold?"

Ellie concedes, motioning to the buck with her new gun. "Bring him with us." She says, and David moves to follow her orders. He drags the deer by the horns to a nearby building and Ellie moves after him, rifle pointed the entire way.

Once inside, David starts a fire, and she tries not to feel anxious. She's left Joel alone for too long. How is Callous handling the biting chill?

"There." David says, warming his hands by the flame. "You know you really shouldn't be out here all on you own." He states and Ellie keeps her eyes firm, her face unreadable.

"I don't like company." She says simply, and David stares at the floor, looking almost disappointed. 

"I see. What's your name?" He asks, looking back at her, and Ellie tilts her head at him, her expression showing mild annoyance.

"Why?" She questions. David's friendly look makes her mistrust him even more.

"Look, I understand it's not easy to trust a couple of strangers."

Ellie holds back a snort. He took the words right out of her mouth.

"Whoever's hurt, you clearly care about them." At this, She can't help but look away. "I'm sure it's gonna be just fine." He consoles.

Ellie sighs. "We'll see." She answers.

She hears it then, springing to her feet at the inhuman moans and clicking in the distance. It all happens too fast, and before she knows it a clicker runs in, head swiveling left and right. Neither of them move, but Ellie can't help but let out a breath, and the clicker goes straight for her. 

She doesn't hesitate, shooting off two rounds that put it down. It writhes on the ground, but David puts another bullet in its head, stilling it for good.

"You had another gun?" She demands, and surprisingly, David looks a little guilty.

"Sorry." He says, checking out the open doorway. "Okay, I'd really like my rifle back right now-"

"No." Ellie denies. "You have your pistol."

David doesn't push it. "I hope you know how to use that thing."

Ellie takes a deep breath. "I've had some practice." She assures. 

~

They barricade the room as much as they can, covering the buck with a tarp and hoping the infected don't get to it. The room echoes with the sounds of infected and their combined gunshots. They're swarmed, but manage to clear them all for now.

"Screw it." David says. "We're getting out of this room.

She follows him, through turns and stairways, but the floor gives out from under her and they're separated. There are clickers everywhere, but miraculously, they both manage to make it back to each other intact.

It’s similar to how things are when she's with Joel, and yet completely different at the same time. David shows more skepticism and concern then Joel does, because Joel is aware of her capabilities. In this moment, she misses him terribly.

There are hordes of infected. Runners, clickers, and even a bloater. Ellie is honestly shocked that they are still standing, but she knows she cannot die here. She cannot leave Joel alone, he'll die. And Callous would starve stuck to that tree.

She has to get back to them. She has to.

"Hey kid?" David says in the sudden silence.

"Yeah?" Ellie answers.

"I think we did it." 

"Like, we killed all of 'em?" She asks in shock.

"Don't sound so disappointed." David answers back.

"More like disbelief." She replies, picking up some abandoned bullets on the ground.

"I'll check the bridge." David offers, and they both look out of the opening at their surroundings.

"Listen." He tells her.

"No infected." Ellie answers.

"No infected." David repeats. "What I tell ya? Alright, let's go back. Check on that buck of ours." He suggests, knocking her good-naturedly on the shoulder.

Ellie moves to follow.

Surprisingly the fire is still going back at their building, and the buck is undisturbed.

"You handled yourself pretty nice back there." David compliments. "I'd say we make a pretty good team."

Her and Joel make a pretty good team. There isn't room for anything else. David crouches down by the fire and Ellie does the same.

"We got lucky." She responds, holding her hands up to the flames.

"Lucky?" David asks incredulous. "No, no. No such thing as luck. No, you see I believe that everything happens for a reason."

Ellie scoffs. "Sure." She answers, but David isn't deterred. 

"I do. And I can prove it to you." He offers as he starts to explain. "Now, this winter has been especially cruel. A few weeks back, I ah...sent a group of men out to a nearby town to look for food. Only a few came back."

Ellie blows on her hands while she listens, her fingers are numb.

"They said that the others had been ah...slaughtered by a crazy man." He chuckles, and somewhere in the back of Ellie's mind, a warning goes off. His tone has changed.

"And get this - he's a crazy man...traveling with a little girl." He points to her with a charred twig from the fire, and Ellie eyes him carefully.

The fake friendliness, the vindictive smile.

"You see?" He asks. "Everything happens for a reason."

Ellie quickly reaches for the rifle, gaining her feet and taking aim.

David stays where he is, calm and unconcerned.

"Now don't get upset. It's not your fault. You're just a kid."

Ellie feels sick to her stomach. She should have listened to her instincts. She should have walked away...

"James lower the gun." He says, and Ellie swings around, leaving her back open to David as she points the rifle at James. Joel would be disappointed, she's making too many mistakes.

"No way, David. I'm not gonna let her go-"

"Lower. The gun." David presses, and James hesitates before obeying. 

"Now give her the medicine." David adds stoking the fire, and James looks absolutely furious before tossing the medicine on the ground.

"The others wont be happy about this." He says, but David looks un-effected.

"Yeah, well that's not your concern." He answers.

Ellie crouches down and picks up the satchel of antibiotics, staying aware of the other's movements.

She steps forward, keeping James in her sights.

"Move the fuck out of the way." She demands, and he does so. She faces them as she backs out of the doorway.

"You wont survive long out there." David warns from his spot on the ground. Ellie wonders how she can feel so threatened when he's in such an unthreatening position. Even with a gun trained on him, something about him screams 'dangerous.'

"I can protect you." He offers, and Ellie wants to shoot him now.

"No thanks." She answers, moving away from the doorway and out of his sight.

She runs, following the trail of blood the buck had left. Ellie climbs and stumbles and runs even faster until Callous is in her sights.

"Let's get out of here." She suggests, jumping in the saddle quickly. She urges him into a run, not slowing until she's sure she's not being followed. She doesn't stop, reaching the house in record time, leading Callous in through the garage before closing the door. 

Ellie has to lean against him to gather her breath, stepping away with a whispered, "Okay."

She makes her way into the house, taking the stairs to the basement quickly, her pack in hand. She freezes at the sight of Joel.

His chest isn't moving.

"Joel?" She calls, her tone breaking just a little.

He breathes out a stuttering breath, and Ellie feels like her heart has kick-started again. He's okay.

"I only managed to get a little bit of food." She says disappointed. "But...I did get this." 

Ellie holds up her prize, not that Joel can see it. She places the medicine next to his head before pulling the blankets back.

"Move your arm." She instructs, but Joel leaves it where it is, not entirely alert. Ellie slides his shirt up, revealing the angry red wound.

"Oh..." She can't help but say in surprise. It's bad. Really bad.

Ellie grips the needle, stabbing it into the holder and extracting a decent amount penicillin out. She makes sure there are no air bubbles in the syringe.

"Here we go." She whispers, stabbing the needle into Joel's soft skin, right by the wound. Joel groans in pain when Ellie presses on the plunger, and she winces with him.

"Sorry." She whispers, pulling the needle free. "Hold on. That's it." She pushes his shirt back down before pulling the covers up to his chin. Her hand brushes over his forehead to feel the temperature there. She can't help but notice how pale he is, or the fact that his teeth are chattering.

"You're gonna make it." Ellie tells him, because she has to believe it's true.

Joel's head turns to her, unconsciously following the sound of her voice as his lips continue to tremble.

Ellie shifts her pack, moving her head to rest on it as a sort of makeshift pillow. She places her hand on the blanket, directly where his heartbeat would be. 

She watches him, and eventually falls into a fitful sleep.

~*8*~

She's trained herself to be a very light sleeper, so when she suddenly blinks awake with the word 'danger' flashing in her mind and making her stomach clench, she is up instantly. 

There are voices in the distance, and Ellie's heart stutters in her chest. She listens for a second, gaining her feet and jumping on top of the old washing machine that was left down here. Ellie had moved it in front of the windows herself, just in case something like this ever happened. 

As slowly as she can, she pulls the sheet aside, looking out at the other houses. There are three men, all looking for her. She lets out a panicked breath before allowing the sheet to fall back into place. 

"Oh fuck. They tracked me." She says breathlessly, taking a moment to try and come up with a plan.

Ellie jumps off of the washer, moving over to Joel's side. She shakes her head slightly, disappointed with herself. She has put them both in danger. She has to fix this.

"I'm gonna draw them away from here." She says, taking in his features in case-

She shakes her head again.

"I'll come back for you." She promises, grabbing her pack and shoving it up her arm. She takes the stairs quickly, forcing herself not to look back. 

This isn't goodbye, damnit.

She leads Callous out of the garage as silently as she can. The door is too noisy for her liking, but she's pretty sure no one has heard her.

She leaps onto Callous' back with a whispered "Go," and he moves into a quiet walk.

Ellie's eyes try to look everywhere, searching out possible threats. She sees them. Two men to her right. 

"C'mon." She whispers, unable to help the sound of their voices coming to her on the wind.

"Are we even sure she's here?"

"Man, there were horse tracks down the fucking street. She's here."

There are two...but where's the third?

She's gripped harshly from the side. The other man trying to pull her from Callous' back.

"Hey, I got her!" He yells, alerting the others as they struggle.

Ellie pulls her butterfly knife from her back pocket and promptly buries it in the guy's throat.

She yanks her knife free and he falls to the ground.

"What are you waiting for? Shoot her!"

"But David said-"

"Fuck David!" 

Ellie urges Callous into a run, yelling, "Go," as his pace picks up.

"Shoot her now!"

The gunshot echoes in the air, barely missing her head.

Ellie rides hard, dodging wayward men and bullets alike.

"What do they want from us?" She asks, used to having conversations with herself.

"Get your ass off that horse." She hears one man say, getting too close to her for comfort.

"What do they want?" Ellie asks again. Shots ring down upon her. "These guys really want me dead." She urges Callous faster.

"Shoot the horse! Shoot the fucking horse!"

The warning reaches her too late, and then the bullet hits.

Callous lets out a terrible whine, going down hard and throwing Ellie from his back in the process. She's flying through the air before she hits the ground hard, the snow doing nothing to break her fall. She keeps rolling, and then she's falling over a short drop before landing harshly on her shoulder. 

Her arm doesn't fell broken, so she tries to shake off the pain quickly.

She sees him then.

Callous lies motionless on the ground, blood pooling in the snow around him. She almost rushes to his side...but she can't.

"Oh man." She whispers, fighting back the tears. "No."

She can't help him, and even though her head is screaming at her that this is all her fault, she has to move on.

"She fell down the hill somewhere-"

Ellie doesn't stick around to hear the rest. She continues her descent down the cliff, coming upon even more houses. 

She runs, and when she gets tired she runs even harder. 

All around her she can hear voices. How many of these fucking guys are there? Their presence seems constant. No matter where she hides or runs to there are more of them, searching her out.

She's hopping silently through a window when she hears more men.

"Are we really killing her? David said he wants her alive."

"He doesn't get to make that call. James told me it's the girl from the university. How many of our guys were killed there?"

"Oh shit. I didn't know that was her. Screw David then. I ain't taking a chance with this."

"I just want to finish up and go home. I'm freezing my ass off."

Ellie keeps low, but all these buildings are like a giant maze, confusing her.

"Okay, where do I go?" She asks herself, trying to gain her bearings.

She kills two guys silently with her bow, taking what little ammo and supplies they have on them.

Ellie pulls herself up on an incline, taking some kind of nature walk trail. The bridge up ahead is broken, so she inches her way across very slowly.

"Don't fall in the water." She whispers, "Don't fall in."

She makes it to the other side, continuing forward. The path up ahead is blocked and she has to make her way through an old pipe system. She gets out into the open again, finally recognizes her surroundings.

"That's the way back. Hang in there Joel." She sighs. A big building rests in front of her. Some kind of old hotel or lodge. It's grounds are covered with men. Ellie finds a hiding place, keeping herself out of sight as they search.

She picks them off at a distance, scattering them with her bow and arrow, giving herself just enough of an opening to sneak by and into the building. 

She searches for an exit, looking for a doorway or a window that will help lead her back to Joel. She sees it, about twenty yards away, and moves towards it quickly and quietly.

Ellie is spotted when she's halfway there, bullets going off again and she makes a run for it, slamming into the exit and trying to force it open. 

It finally gives, swinging wide, her freedom beyond the threshold, but she's grabbed from behind and pulled away.

Ellie grabs for her knife, getting it out, but her hand is stilled.

"Relax." 

She recognizes that voice, as her and David struggle to gain control of the knife, his arm wrapped around her vulnerable neck.

"Keeping you alive here." He grits out, arm tightening just enough to make her see white.

Her grip is faltering and her eyes get heavy.

"There you go. There you go." David whispers in an imitation of soothing as she loses consciousness.

~*8*~

Ellie awakens to the worst head pain she’s had in awhile, groaning as her hands go to her temple. Her eyes adjust then, taking in the metal gate that’s keeping her prisoner.

A man stands beyond it, the sound of chopping and cutting fill the air. Ellie gains her feet, moving to the bars of the door, fingers gripping harsh metal.

The man chops again, shoving something to the ground with his blade. Ellie sees it, and feels her stomach try to rebel.

It’s an arm. A fucking human arm. 

“Oh...” She whispers, backing away from the gate, tripping on her feet and falling back to the ground.

The man stops in his cutting, turning to look at her. It’s that guy from before. What was his name? James.

He scoffs at her, dropping his knife and turning to leave. Ellie gains her feet again, yanking at the bars and pulling with all her strength. She has to get out of here.

There is no give and she paces her prison like a caged animal.

“How are you feeling?” David asks, walking in with a tray in his hands. 

Ellie backs away, subtly checking her pocket for her knife. It’s missing of course.

“Super.” She answers and David smiles. 

“Here.” He says, dropping the tray to the ground and sliding it under the small opening. “You should eat. I know you’re hungry. You’ve been out for quite some time.”

Ellie narrows her eyes at him. “What is it?” She questions.

“It’s deer.” David answers without hesitation, but Ellie knows she can’t trust a word that comes out of his mouth, no matter how harmless he tries to make himself seem.

“With some human helping on the side?”

David shakes his head. “No. No, I promise.” He says, glancing slightly over his shoulder. “It’s just the deer meat.” 

She shouldn’t take him at his word, but God is she hungry.

“You’re a fucking animal.” She grits out to his face, dropping to her knees to begin wolfing down the food. Idly, she wonders if she got it wrong. Maybe it’s reversed, and she’s the animal.

“Oh, that’s awfully quick to judgment.” David says, crouching down to her level. “Considering you and your friend killed how many of my men?”

Ellie shakes her head, looking him in the eye. “They didn’t give us a choice.” She says, not sure why she’s bothering.

“Any you think we have a choice? Is that it?”

Ellie doesn’t answer, opting to drink the water that was offered instead. David is not deterred.

“You kill to survive. And so do we. We have to take care of our own. By any means necessary.”

Ellie can hear the fake sincerity through the sound of her chewing. She’s starving enough to still have an appetite.

“So now what?” She asks once she’s done. “You gonna chop me up into tiny pieces?”

David chuckles. “I’d rather not.” He answers softly. “Please tell me your name.”

Ellie stares at him, head cocked to the side before she shoves the tray back out.

“You’re so full of shit.” She says, gaining her feet once more.

“On the contrary.” David argues, gathering up the mess she’s made. “I’ve been ah...been quite honest with you.” He finishes, shoving the tray to the side, and gaining his feet as well.

“Now I think it’s your turn.” He demands, voice gaining a slight edge. “It’s the only way I’m gonna be able to convince the others.”

Ellie moves closer to the door. “Convince them of what?” She asks, voice going soft and vulnerable, luring him in.

“That you can come around.” David answers, moving closer to her. “You have heart. You’re loyal. And you’re special.” He says, stopping right in front of her, hand coming up to touch hers against the metal bar. His fingers absently caress her skin and she’s utterly repelled by his touch, but not as much as she is by what she sees in his eyes.

Want. Pure and simple.

“Oh.” She says absently, forcing herself to move in even more. Her other hand comes up, encircling David’s, and he lets her. She takes a second to get her grip, and then she pulls.

David yells in pain, and she drops down then, hand trying to clutch at the keys on his hip. Her fingers grip them, but he grabs her arm, pulling it harshly so she’s forced to hit the door. After the third time, Ellie lets go and she falls to the ground. 

David picks up the keys and quickly moves away from the gate.

Black dots dance in front of Ellie’s vision and her headache is back tenfold. She groans in pain, clutching at her side. “Fuck.” She whispers when the pain doesn’t abate.

“You stupid little girl.” David growls, inspecting the damage done to his hand. “You are making it very difficult to keep you alive. What am I supposed to tell the others now?” He demands. But considering the reason why he wants to keep her around Ellie would rather tell him to go fuck himself.

She sniffs and wipes at her eyes, looking up at him again.

“Ellie.” She says to his back, and he turns to face her, attention caught.

“What?”

“Tell them that...Ellie is the little girl that broke your fucking finger.” She yells. David looks away, glancing at the finger she speaks of.

“How did you put it?” He ask quietly, his tone has changed again. “Hmm? Tiny pieces.” David eyes her, letting his words sink in. “See you in the morning, Ellie.” He promises.

Ellie’s hand goes to her mouth, trying to ignore the slight tremble that’s going through her body.

Has she just condemned herself? She’s already killed Callous, has she killed herself now too? And in so doing...has she killed Joel as well?

~*8*~

Joel’s walking along the road, and as usual, Ellie is ten paces in front of him. She never listens when he tells her to wait. To wait for him to catch up. He should be leading this crazy journey. If bullets start flying at least he’ll get hit first. Cover her. Shield her.

That’s his job, right?

No. 

His job is to get her to the fireflies. If she dies, that’s not on him. At least he tried...

But that’s not right either. Ellie can’t die. He can’t lose another little girl. Life couldn’t be so cruel, could it?

Who’s he kidding? Of course it could. Of course it is. 

He can’t lose her, so why won’t she wait for him? He has to be with her, beside her, in front of her. He has to take the bullets.

“Ellie.” He yells again, but she doesn’t even look behind her anymore, ignoring his calls, or she simply can’t hear them.

Whenever he tries to catch up, she yells at his attempt.

“If you keep running like that you’ll open your wound again.” She warns, and Joel looks down to see blood start to seep through his shirt. Ellie sighs in frustration.

“You see what you did. Now you’re gonna attract every single infected for miles.”

Joel’s hands try to stop the blood, but it only spills through his fingers.

“That’s not gonna work. You’ve already left a trail.” Ellie says, motioning behind him. Joel looks, and sure enough he’s left bloody tracks in his wake.

“I’m sorry.” He can’t help but say, and Ellie’s expression softens.

“Hey,” she whispers soothingly, “It’s not your fault, okay.”

Joel nods, feeling better at her words, but then she starts to leave again.

“Where are you going?” Joel calls out in a panic, because like this, he knows he can’t follow her.

“I’m gonna get you help, okay?” Ellie calls back, and Joel wants to tell her to come back, to stay, but he can’t get the words out.

“Come find me when you can.” Ellie says, moving around the corner and out of his sight. Joel’s stomach clenches, and his heart pounds. He has to get to her. Has to-

Joel comes to suddenly, pulling the covers off of him and trying to stand. He groans in pain and clutches at his side which is still tender and sore. He should take it easy, but he has to find Ellie. His mind feels clearer, and he isn’t as numb as he was before.

“Ellie.” He calls, but there is no response. Joel stumbles on the ground, hand still covering his wound like it had in the dream, as if that could keep the pain at bay. 

“Ellie!” Joel calls again, seeing his pack on the ground, but not hers. He trips to his feet and shuffles to it, groaning as he kneels to pick it up. He shoulders it with effort before gaining the stairs. Joel exits into the kitchen, leaning on the counter for support.

“Where the hell are you?” He asks, moving towards the front door.

Outside it’s snowing still. Joel makes his way off the porch, yelling as he goes. 

“Ellie?” His voice echoes back at him. “Where’d she run off to?” He asks quieter. 

“He’s over there!” 

The unfamiliar voice has him ducking automatically just as the bullets begin to fly. Joel takes cover, returning fire. 

“Where is she?” He demands feeling ice cold panic take over him. Something has happened. Something happened to Ellie. He shoots the men down before they can answer. There’s more coming anyway.

“One way or another you’re gonna tell me.” Joel promises, continuing to shoot.

He isn’t sure how many of them there are, or how many he’s killed, but it’s suddenly quiet outside. Joel makes his way out of a building he was using as cover, jumping through a window with care. He hops over some debris in his way and is grabbed from behind.

“Gotcha, asshole.” The stranger says, just as another one creeps up from his side. “Finish him off.” The guy holding him growls. The one in front has a knife, looking for an opening.

“Hold him still.” He says, even as Joel struggles.

Joel kicks out with his foot, hitting the guy with the knife between the legs. He goes down fast.

“Aw shit.” The one behind him mutters and Joel throws his head back, catching the him in the forehead. Joel turns quickly, using his body weight to smash the other man into the wall. He goes down as well.

Joel goes back to the guy with the knife, kicking him in the jaw just as he tries to get up. He’s groaning now.

“You’re coming with me.” Joel grits out, grabbing the stranger under the arms as he begins to drag him. 

~

Joel swings until it becomes a repetitive job. Until it becomes all he knows. His knuckles connecting with soft flesh. He swings and swings and swings until his arm gets heavy and tired. 

There’s blood on his hands, but it isn’t his. Who’s? He neither knows nor cares. He just keeps swinging. He has to.

His side flares up in pain again, and it is only this fact that finally makes him cease.

“You wait here.” He says absently to the man on the ground, as if he’s going anywhere.

He moves to the other guy tied to a chair ten feet away. He grabs a chair of his own and sits to face him.

“Now, the girl...” He starts off, reveling in the fear he sees in the other guy’s eyes. This stranger isn’t a human being to him. He has no family, no emotions that Joel cares to know about. He’s just the asshole that tore Ellie away from him. The one that knows where she is...

The one standing in his way.

“...is she alive?” Joel asks, voice deceptively calm.

“What girl?” The man dodges, and that, does not make Joel calm at all. “I don’t know no girl.”

Joel buries a knife in his leg, all the way to the hilt. He cannot hear this man’s pain. He cannot care. He’s just the one who is keeping him from Ellie.

“Focus right here.” Joel demands, slapping his face. “Right here. Or I’ll pop your goddamn knee off.” He threatens. It wouldn’t be the worse thing he could do. “The girl.” Joel starts again, and the man gives an affirmative nod.

“She’s alive.” He stutters out. “She’s David’s newest pet.” Joel shakes his head, heart giving a painful tug at all the implications of that statement.

“Where?” He demands, twisting the knife when the man stays quiet for too long. 

“In the town. In the town.” He confesses, and Joel rips the knife out, putting the handle in the guy’s mouth.

“Now you’re gonna mark it on the map.” He instructs, holding the folded paper up in front of his face. “And it better be the same exact spot your buddy points too. Mark it.” 

He leans forward, brushing the knife against the paper, marking a spot with his own blood. He turns away and spits the knife out of his mouth. “It’s right there.” He promises. “You can verify it. Go ask him. Go on.” He urges as Joel gains his feet, refolding the map and shoving it into his back pocket. 

“He’ll tell ya. I ain’t lying. I ain’t lying.” He whispers in a mantra as Joel circles around behind him. Joel wraps an arm around his neck and squeezes until the guy breathes no more.

Now dead, he falls to the floor, chair and all.

“Fuck you man.” The other guy yells. “He told you what you wanted!”

Joel picks up the metal pipe on the ground.

“I ain’t telling you shit.” The man threatens, as if that could deter him. 

“That’s alright.” Joel soothes. “I believe him.” He pulls back his arm, just like he would if he were playing baseball.

“No, wait-”

But Joel just keeps swinging.

~

Ellie’s woken harshly, pulled from her prone position by James.

“Wakey, wakey.” He says vindictively, pushing her towards the arms of David.

“Let go!” She yells, unable to fend him off. David rest his fingers on her shoulder, and Ellie leans in to bite his hand. He knees her in the stomach and they both throw her onto a hard surface.

It’s the very table she witnessed them chopping people up on earlier. Ellie struggles harder.

James pins her left arm and David has her right, she can’t go anywhere, and she watches on in horror as David raises a machete.

“I’m infected!” She yells out, relishing in the pause that gives him. “I’m infected.” She says again, letting it sink in. 

“Really?” David asks, disbelief in his voice.

“And so are you.” Ellie informs him. “Right there.” She motions towards her arm. “Roll up my sleeve. Look at it!” She orders, and David practically chuckles.

“I’ll play along.” He says amusedly, stabbing the knife into the table, right by her head. He grips her arm tighter and pulls her sleeve up slowly.

She watches his face fall as he eyes the bite. 

“What’d you say?” She asks, feeling pleasure at being the one to undo him. “Everything happens for a reason, right?” James is shaking his head, looking panicked as he takes in the bite.

“What the hell is that?” He demands and David tries to reassure him.

“She would’ve turned by now, it can’t be real.”

“It looks pretty fucking real to me!”

As David moves down for a closer look, Ellie takes her chance. James’s grip on her arm has loosened, and she pulls it free, grabbing David’s knife by her head she plunges it through James’s neck, rolling off of the table and taking cover just as David shoots at her.

James falls to the ground and she runs into a nearby storage room, eyeing her butterfly knife stuck on the shelf next to her. She pulls it out and grips the familiar handle in her palm.

“Okay.” She breathes taking a second to gather herself. She runs and jumps out the nearby window. It’s a steep drop, but she keeps her feet. “Shit.” She whispers, trying to see in the storm. She holds an arm up to her eyes and moves.

“Oh man. What the fuck is wrong with these people.”

Ellie sneaks into a nearby building, noting just how defenseless she is against these guys.

“I need a gun.” She notes, looking around her. In the distance, more shots go off.

“Where you going, Ellie?” She hears David yell in the storm. “This is my town!”

“Okay.” She says to herself. “I can do this.” She has to get back to Joel.

Ellie makes her way through buildings, trying to stay clear of doors. She hops in and out of windows, avoiding detection. She’s able to sneak up on a guy, obviously not paying enough attention. She stabs him in the back three times, taking his gun when he goes down. She doesn’t want to use it. Guns are too loud, and she needs to stay quiet. 

She keeps it for emergencies.

Somewhere in the distance, a bell begins to toll.

Ellie pays it no mind. She keeps moving. She has to. She sneaks by another building, and up against the wall is a dumpster, leading to an open window. She jumps through without hesitation, landing softly on the other side.

It’s a restaurant of some kind, and Ellie makes her way towards the exit, gathering supplies where she can find them. Near the front door is a counter with candles on it. They’re still lit, marking this building as obviously being used. She has to get out of here. 

Ellie throws the door open, hands coming up to point her gun. 

Her wrists are caught and David’s face swirls in her vision as he pushes her back inside.

“You’re easy to track.” He insults, struggling for the gun. He knocks her into the counter and the candles fall to the ground along with her. He has the gun, and she lies prone before him.

“How did you do it?” He demands, pointing the barrel at her. Next to him, a fire starts and begins to spread. Ellie uses the distraction to slip away behind cover. 

“That’s alright.” David says, turning around to lock the door. “There’s no where to go! You want out? Gonna have to come get these keys.” Ellie sneaks behind the counters evading him as much as possible.

“I know you’re not infected. So what is it Ellie? I gotta admit, you had me back there. For a second, you shook my faith. But only for a second.”

The fire is worse now, smoke filling the building and making her eyes tear up. She coughs as quietly into her hand as she can. Ellie moves away from the flames, making her way to David. Somehow, she has to get behind him. 

“Oh, hey Ellie? I’m sorry about your horse. I truly am. I hope you take comfort in knowing that we wont waste any part of him.”

Ellie jumps out, landing on his back and sinking her blade into his vulnerable skin. Fuck you, she wants to say. Callous might have only been a horse, but he was better than David and all his men put together. Viciously, she twists the knife.

David throws her off, and she’s disappointed she didn’t kill him right away. He takes aim at her and fires, but she slips past in time, taking cover behind another counter. He’s a piss poor shot anyway.

“That was good, kid.” He praises, putting his gun away in favor of his machete. “It’s gonna be alright.” 

Ellie moves away from him, keeping low to the ground.

“You know you keep surprising me.” David calls, and Ellie situates herself behind him again, waiting until he is distracted. She stabs at his side this time, and he swings wide with a blade of his own.

How is he still standing?

Ellie takes off again, looking for another place to hide.

“Run little rabbit, run.” She hears David say.

It takes time, Ellie getting lost in the maze of counters and turns. She manages to flank David again, waiting for her moment.

Approaching quietly, she jumps on his back, gripping him tightly so he can’t throw her this time. She buries the knife in him again, but instead of throwing her, he crashes into a table, pressing back until his weight makes her immobile. Then, he reaches back over his shoulder, yanking her forward by her hair.

They both fall to the ground, and Ellie’s not so sure how much fight she has left in her. She’s sore, in pain, and the smoke is making it...very...hard...to concentrate...

~*8*~

She awakes slowly, the smell of burned wood and dry smoke in the air. Her stomach hurts, and her head is pounding.

Ellie forces herself to turn over, quickly spotting David’s knife under a nearby bench, forgotten. She crawls towards it. Has to. 

It hurts. God, does it hurt, but she doesn’t stop. Each foot closer is a win. She’s almost there. Just a bit more...

The kick to her stomach blindsides her, and the agony that takes over is unbearable. 

“I knew you had heart,” She hears David say. “Y’know it’s okay to give up. There's no shame in it.” He falsely consoles. But she refuses, and begins to crawl and push forward again. 

“I guess not.” He laughs. “Just not your style, is it?”

She’s almost there now.

David kicks her again, and she’s knocked onto her side, groaning as her stomach heaves. He turns her back over onto her front, and he's on top of her back now, pulling her head up by her hair.

"You can try begging." He growls out, breath pushing against her ear.

"Fuck you." She spits out, and he turns her harshly over so she's forced to look at him.

His fingers press against her neck, wrapping around the column of her throat.

"You think you know me? Huh?" He grits out, getting closer and closer to her face. He wants to watch the light leave her eyes as he begins to squeeze. "Well let me tell you somethin'. You have no idea what I'm capable of." He promises.

Ellie still struggles, pushing her back against the carpet and inching towards the knife. Her hand reaches out, but she doesn't quite make it. David squeezes harder, and his hips grind into hers. The fucking bastard is getting off on this.

It's this fact that pushes Ellie the final distance, fingers finally grasping the knife. Without hesitation, she brings it down on him, catching him in the arm.

David yells out in shock and pain as he rolls off of her. She gets on top of him this time, holding the knife in both hands and drawing it over her head. David sees what she's about to do, how helpless he is. How do you like it now, fucker. 

He screams, as if that could stop the knife's descent. Ellie brings the blade down directly onto his face. She doesn't stop there. She can't stop. She has to make sure that David doesn't rise again. That he can't hurt anyone again. That he can't hurt her anymore.

She keeps hacking away, long after his chest stops moving and his heart stops beating. She has to make sure. 

"Ellie!"

The voice cuts through the haze but only slightly. It is familiar, but she has to keep cutting.

"Stop!" The voice says, strong arms pulling her about the middle, pain flaring up at her bruised stomach. She is being hurt again. She can't allow it.

Ellie struggles, fighting to keep hurting David. The man might be dead, but there will always be more in the world just like him. She has to put an end to that...

Somehow...

She's pulled away from the body she's mutilated, knife slipping from her bloody fingers as she struggles against a new enemy.

"Don't fucking touch me!" She warns, tries to sound threatening. Instead she sounds broken and lost. 

"No- it's okay. It's me. It's me."

Ellie pushes against his shoulders, doesn't want to look at him. She doesn't want anyone to see her vulnerability. Doesn't want them to know that they can hurt her so easily. She's not infallible.

"Look. Look!" Familiar hands grab her face, fingers caressing her cheeks gently. "It's me." Joel says, and Ellie's eyes take in his features. She wants to deny it. This is just a mirage her mind has conjured up. Maybe she's finally gone crazy. 

She killed Joel, just like she killed Callous. Just like she killed herself.

She's too tired to argue over impossibilities. She begins to cry instead as she leans into her savior.

"He tried to-" She can't finish her sentence, but Joel understands nonetheless. He grips her face tighter before pulling her into his chest, wrapping his arms around her in a sweet embrace. His touch is the only one that does not repel her, and that's how she knows this is real.

"Oh, baby girl." He whispers soothingly, his hand coming up to cradle the back of her head. "It's okay. It's okay." He chants, and amazingly, she begins to believe him.

"Joel..." She cries, sobbing into his coat, tears mingling with melted snow. Joel buries his nose in her hair, holding her even closer. 

"It's okay now." He promises, and they stay like that for awhile longer until she settles.

They pull away at the same time, Joel's hands back on her cheeks. 

"You did what you had to do, you understand?" Joel says with conviction. "None of this was your fault. You're okay, and that's all that matters."

Ellie nods in understanding. She'll believe anything Joel tells her at this point. 

"We need to leave." Joel adds. "There'll be more of 'em coming." 

Ellie gains her feet with his help, and together they leave, his hand in hers the entire way.

~*8*~

They spend the rest of daylight getting out of that fucking city. Joel keeps them low to the ground, weaving in and out of buildings until they can no longer hear distant voices nor the sound of that damn bell.

They keep moving, even after dark. Trying to get as far away as possible. 

Joel doesn't take them back to that house where most of their supplies are, nor does he ask about Callous, he just keeps holding her hand, keeping her at his side, making sure she's still with him.

It is only when Joel can see how difficult it is for Ellie to keep moving that he decides to stop for the night. He picks a small unassuming house, pushing the front door open with his foot and leading Ellie inside. Joel let's go of her hand for the first time since they left, and she can feel the loss of his warmth and security.

Ellie watches him quietly as he digs through his pack, pulling out her own bag.

"Found this in a storage room, he explains, setting it on the ground beside her. He digs in his pack some more until he pulls out the familiar shape of her gun.

"You stay here and guard the door. I'm gonna search the rest of the place."

Ellie wants to argue. She should go with him. Watch his back, maybe. But her hands shake as she grabs the gun and she wonders if she even has enough left in her to guard the fucking entrance.

She nods as she tries to cease her shaking. Joel takes note of it and gives her arm a gentle squeeze before turning away.

Ellie stands there alone for an undetermined amount of time. She listens to the creaks and the groans of the house, mind blessedly blank. She knows it is cold, but she can't really feel it. She can't really feel anything...

And yet, she can still feel David's form pressed closely to hers, trying to get even closer.

She feels dirty.

"Ellie?" Joel says with concern, suddenly right in front of her again. She didn't even hear his approach. 

Joel looks down, and Ellie's eyes follow, wondering what he's staring at. She's using the hand that's not holding the gun to rub at the flesh of her arm, leaving red marks in her wake. She can't even feel the sting of it as she rubs her skin raw.

"Stop that." Joel pleads gently, grasping her hands in his own. Her eyes overflow again against her wishes.

"I can still feel him, Joel." She whispers into the silence. She can't help but feel ashamed at her actions. How could she be so weak?

Joel looks shattered by her confession, pulling her in again, softly, as if she's made of glass. Maybe she is.

"Come on." He says, leading her deeper into the house. They hold up in the master bedroom, and Joel starts a fire near the windows. It's surprising, because usually if they're being hunted down he forgoes fires for at least a few days. 

Ellie watches as he pulls out a thin blanket from his pack that they always keep, just in case. He stands directly in front of her, wrapping the warm material around her shoulders. He goes off into another part of the house for some time, and Ellie sits by the fire and shivers. It has nothing to do with the cold.

Joel comes back with a big, round, metal pot in his hand. It's filled with snow. He settles a piece of grate metal over the fire before placing the pot on top. Eventually, the snow inside begins to melt, and Joel checks the temperature every now and then.

When he is satisfied, he takes the pot into the bathroom and dumps the contents. He does this many more times, until finally, he puts the pot aside.

"Come on." He says softly, motioning for Ellie to take his outstretched hand. She does so without hesitation.

He leads her into the bathroom, where the water he's collected rests steaming in the tub. The tub itself is in good condition, which is surprising. Joel hands Ellie one of the rags he's collected, and she takes it with trembling fingers. 

"Need any help?" He asks, motioning to the buttons on her shirt. Ellie nods in affirmation, and Joel gets to work.

He moves his way down, unbuttoning the flannel to reveal her undershirt.

"The water wont stay warm for long, so best get in there while it's comfortable. You holler if you need me." Joel says, waiting for her nod before turning to leave.

Ellie stands there for a moment longer, rag in hand, shirt unbuttoned. The door doesn't close all the way, but Joel has shoved it enough to give her privacy.

Ellie gets to work on removing her clothes, letting them fall to the floor. She wants to burn them, but that would be a waste. She lifts her trembling hand up, pulling the hair tie free, letting her hair spill over her shoulders. She avoids the dirty mirror and steps into the bath Joel has provided for her.

The water is warms, and helps to soothe her aches and pains. She has to fight not to let her eyes drift closed. She needs to get clean.

~

Joel is going over their inventory when he hears it. A soft voice floating to him through a cracked door.

"Joel?" Ellie calls. Her voice sounds broken and tired, and he's up immediately. "Can you come in here, please?"

Joel doesn't hesitate, he pushes the door open and almost jumps back out again. Ellie is still in the bath, bared to the world with her lack of clothes. She has her knees drawn up, giving her a sense of modesty as she keeps her front covered. 

The water running down her cheeks isn't from the bath. She's been crying again, and Joel doesn't know how to fix this. He steps in further, deciding it best not to leave her in this condition. Joel sees it then. All the bruises peppering her skin. He can see the damage done to her side, peeking out from behind the thigh that's pressed against it. It's already black and blue.

Joel suddenly wishes he can go back and kill that fucker again. Everyone who hurt her, he would kill a million times if he could. 

Ellie has the rag in her hand, and Joel moves in. She's rubbed her skin red and raw, enough to draw blood in certain places. He never should have left her like this.

"I can't get my back." She confesses, sounding ashamed and disappointed. "He was on my back...I have to wash it away-"

"Shh." Joel soothes, kneeling down by the side of the tub and reaching in to take the rag from her fingers. "It's alright." Joel lies, sinking his hand in to gather water into the cloth. It's getting cold already.

He can see the bruises on her neck, sharp imprints shaped like fingers where they squeezed the vulnerable flesh. Jesus what did they do to her?

Joel places the cloth on the skin of her shoulder, and Ellie trembles at his touch. He moves the rag in circular motions, working his way across the span of her back. He has to ask her. Has to know.

"Ellie..." He starts off, unable to put his questions into words. "Did they- Did they try to make you-"

"They didn't rape me." Ellie interjected, taking the question out of Joel's hands. He feels such relief at this fact that he has to run his fingers through her damp hair.

"I could tell he wanted to." Ellie adds, and Joel's stomach plummets again. "I could see it in his eyes." She whispers, sounding haunted, and not at all the fourteen year old girl she is. "But I stopped him."

Joel continues to wash her, moving down to the center of her spine. There are marks everywhere. Bruises and wounds that will heal on the outside, but will most likely be permanent on the inside.

"They were part of the same group that ambushed us at the university." Ellie confides. "I guess some of the men escaped, and were able to tell the others that it was a man and a little girl that had killed most of their people."

Joel nodded in understanding, deciding not to speak until Ellie was finished.

"I was tracking a buck when I ran into two of them." God how long ago was that? It felt like years.

"When I learned who they were, I made my way back to you as fast as I could. I was stupid. Led them right to us. I tried to lead them away, but-" She pauses and gathers her breath.

"Callous." She says simply. "They killed Callous."

Joel's fingers give her shoulder a squeeze, letting her know that he's still here.

"I ran, but they eventually caught up to me. The guy you saw me...kill. He was there leader. Wanted me to join their little group of cannibals. He liked me, I guess." Ellie trembles in disgust when she says this.

"He tried to kill me, I got to him first. End of story." 

Joel knows that's not the end. Not at all. Her little summary of the events she suffered through doesn't even cover a fraction of it. Maybe one day she'll be able to face it, and get the whole story out. Until then, Joel will wait patiently.

"Come on." Joel says softly, finished with her back. He unplugs the tub and takes the rag away, so she can't hurt herself unintentionally anymore. He hands her a small blanket that he found, letting her use it as a makeshift towel. 

"Get dry, and I'll bring you a change of clothes." Joel promises, gaining his feet and turning to leave.

"Joel." Ellie calls, effectively stopping him. He turns and sees Ellie standing in the tub, towel wrapped around her and covering her body.

"I'm glad you're okay." She whispers. "There were times I was so sure-"

"Everything is gonna be fine now." Joel promises, hoping like hell he speaks the truth. Ellie sighs and squares her shoulders.

"I just want you to know, I would do it all again if it meant keeping you with me." She states, and Joel's heart practically stops as it breaks. He wouldn't ever want Ellie to go through that torture for a second time, not for him, not for anybody. But still, her words fill him with a warmth and love he has not felt for a long, long time.

"And I would die a thousand times just to make sure you didn't have to." He promises. Ellie gives him a small smile. Perhaps she feels the same way he does.

Loved.

~

Ellie comes out of the bathroom, dressed and warm, fingers carding through her wet hair. 

"Come here." Joel instructs, medical wrap in his hands. Ellie sighs and drops down in front of him.

"Lift up your shirt for me." He requests, and Ellie does as she's asked, lifting the material just enough to keep her modesty. Now that Joel can see the bruises more clearly, he becomes even more worried. 

"Anything feel broken?" He asks, fingers moving to dance along her speckled skin, pushing against the ribs lightly to check for breaks. Ellie hisses.

"I don't thinks so." She answers, doing her best to stay still.

"I'll wrap 'em. Just in case there are any fractures or cracks." He says more to himself then to her.

Joel pulls apart the wrap, putting one end just below her breasts.

"Can you hold this?" He asks, and Ellie lowers one hand to do exactly that. Joel moves in closer, wrapping the material all around her, pushing her ribs together tightly, but not tight enough to be unbearable.

"How we doing?" He asks, making his way down to her waist.

"Fine." Ellie grits out, trying to ignore the pain. Joel gets to the end of the wrap and tucks it under securely.

"You let me know if you need me to loosen it." He orders and Ellie nods. She's so tired now. Can barely keep her eyes open.

"Do you...want me to comb your hair again?" Joel asks hesitantly, referring to a time he had done so in the past.

Ellie shakes her head minutely. "Can you just...hold me, while I sleep?" She looks almost regretful to have voiced her request, and Joel moves to put her at ease.

"Of course." He answers, helping to move her down to the makeshift resting place he's fashioned for them. The fire has burned down to cinders, and Joel pulls the blanket up and over them both. 

Joel's arms wrap around her, adding to the warmth, and Ellie feels as if she is being slowly thawed out. His hands come up, fingers carding through her tangled hair, gently easing away the knots. His cheek rests atop her head, and Ellie can feel each intake and exhale of breath he makes. 

Softly, Joel begins to sing.

"“Home. Let me come home. Home is wherever I’m with you. Oh home...Yes I am home. Home is when I’m alone with you...”

For the first time in a long time, she feels safe. Here, in Joel's arms, she feels like everything can get better. It's that hope that he offers her. The hope that she needs.

Ellie is asleep in minutes.


End file.
